As the last day of 2008 slips away, spend a few moments reflecting on the year.
Post your worst and / or best experiences to comments.
Be not afraid
I went to church recently. I was looking forward to the
non-denominational service in a very special little chapel. At first, I
was disappointed that the service was Christian
and that we were talking about the Virgin Mary. I began to say to
myself that I couldn't relate to the stories from the bible and that
they didn't do much for me.
Then, I challenged myself to listen for the message and take what I
could. I began to listen with new ears and I got so much out of the
story of Mary.
As the story goes:
God (via an angel who said: 'Be not afraid') .... told Mary she would become pregnant and bear a child who would be the Messiah.
Can you imagine this happening to you? How would you react if you were
approached by an angel and told you'd deliver a Messiah child and you'd
remain a virgin? Most likely, you'd react with with skepticism and
disbelief.
Mary had a choice. She could have rejected the opportunity, but instead
she saw an opportunity to serve a very big role and she surrendered to
it.
She was not married. No one would believe she was a virgin when she was
pregnant. She would most likely be scorned by her community for being
unmarried and pregnant.
And she simply said 'yes' to an opportunity.
Is this an example of following the destiny that creator has laid out for us?
Is this an example of surrender and serving a greater purpose than the one we think we're here to serve?
Strive to say 'yes' more often.
Strive to surrender to events that come your way, rather than resist them.
There's beauty in that - the grace and beauty of surrender.
And the Angel's message: 'Be not afraid' - such wise words that can help us all rest assured that we'll always be taken care of - somehow. Even when we don't see how -- we will be. Always.
Be not afraid. Have faith.
Happiness is Contagious!
According to a study published online in the BMJ, researchers found that "a next-door neighbor's joy increased one's chance of being happy by 34 percent." The authors defined happiness as a perfect score on the questions 'I
felt hopeful about the future,' 'I was happy,' 'I enjoyed life,' and 'I
felt that I was just as good as other people.'
The Los Angeles Times says, "This research is part of a growing trend to measure well-being as a crucial component of public health. Scientists have documented that people who describe themselves as happy are likely to live longer, even if they have a chronic illness."
This reinforces what coaching is all about: A coach helps you learn ways to shift your attitude and your thoughts so that you become happier and more fulfilled. You begin to experience the power of manifesting whatever you desire - by attracting what you desire with ease, rather than working endlessly for it. Your energy soars. Your creativity grows, and you experience life from a place of love and appreciation an opportunity. Your life becomes an extraordinary expression of who YOU are.
When you feel good, others feel good around you... when you generate good thoughts, you create good feelings. The effect on yourself, your neighbors, your community, and the environment is profound. When you feel good, you manifest MORE feeling good. Think of this as a great environmental plan that can save the earth. Really.
So, what is there to do with this information? You can do the things that make you feel good. You can work to transform any negative thoughts you catch yourself thinking into positive thoughts. Meditate. Find ways to experience peace. Exercise and move your body in ways that support feeling good. Focus on the things that you have to be grateful for - and there are so many... find a way to exercise gratitude in every situation, and you'll be happy.
The transforming of thoughts and feelings is a part of what coaching is all about. Take on being coached, and you'll shift all sorts of things for yourself: The way you view yourself, your circumstances, and life overall. Try coaching!
For the month of December, I'm offering my 'REAL Beginnings' Coaching Session for just $29. Now there's a great Christmas gift for yourself! (Offer only for those new to coaching with me)
Email me to get your session right away!
I look foward to hearing from you.
Changing the Energy
It's not unusual to feel stuck or stagnant. Rather than focusing on 'what's wrong' or thinking that there's something to fix - just ask how you'd like to change the energy. When you're commited to your own expansion and growth, you'll know if you're stagnant or if you're experiencing peace. Just listen to yourself.
For a long time, I sought peace and found great joy in the manifestation of peace. I still do. There came a point, however, where I began to experience that it was time for a change or some new energy somehow in my life. Rather than 'figure out' what I needed to change, I asked myself to keep listening because I knew the answer was within me. There was nothing to figure out - by being free to be with what was occurring, I was free to act or not act. As I continued to listen.... things began to unfold in ways that I never would have imagined. And perfectly, all my answers came simply, easily, and without much effort.
That is how things unfold when you're in touch with the power that lies within you - the power that is connected to intention and manifesting all your dreams and desires.
All you have to do is listen. Keep listening. And for that to occur, you must be very quiet so you can hear.
Learn to Nurture Yourself
Somewhere along the line many women learn to put the needs of other before their own. In many ways this ability is one of our greatest feminine talents; nurturing is a trait that validates us as women and this quality of our nature should surely be treasured and celebrated.
But, why is it that so many of us feel guilty when it comes to nurturing ourselves? We feel selfish. We believe that we’re stealing time away from those that need us. Yet the truth is, you need to nurture yourself before you can successfully nurture others.
This may sound self-indulgent, but it’s not. By taking care of your own needs you are recognizing and affirming that your own emotional, physical and mental health is just as important as that of others.
The truth is that, at least some of the time, you have to put yourself and your own needs first. If you love and care for yourself, you’re far better equipped to love and care for those that need you.
These words of wisdom were taken from Meditations for Women, which is here.
Looking Back
What happens when you spend your time looking back, reviewing past relationships, past decisions, past mistakes?
Your vital life force, your flame, your energy is siphoned away -- taken out of this moment and pulling you back, back, back...
Do whatever it takes to complete the past so you are fully present right now. The past is behind you. Resolve to learn what lessons there are from your past experiences, forgive yourself and others completely so that you can be fully open and present today.
There's so much to appreciate. Find what there is to appreciate in everything.
It'll make all the difference in your attitude. And your attitude will make all the difference in creating a life you love.
It's that simple. Coaching is the tool that supports you to make the changes that you want to make so you can create the life you love.
Just love, already
Awhile back, I learned the difference between coming from a place of love, and coming from... well, something other than love. What do I mean by that?
There are lots of 'places' to come from, or act from... take judgment, or anger, or envy, or 'I know more than you know.'
Did you know you can say the exact same words, but come from different places when you say those words -- and the difference in where you're coming from can be the difference in how your words are heard and received?
Were you ever taught this??? I've had lots of communication training over the years... and truly, I somehow never really understood this until recently!
Have I not been listening? (That's entirely possible.) Seriously, though - I don't think this distinction is really taught very often!
Here's an example: You are annoyed with visitors at your local beach because they are littering. This beach is a place you love and frequent. You're upset that others litter. You're tired of it and you're judgmental of them when you tell them 'Hey, use the garbage can!'
Another way of approaching the same situation would be to take a few deep breaths, discard any judgment or other thoughts that get in the way of you feeling connected to the visitors and genuinely sharing with them your request, which is that they use the garbage can for their waste. Once you've gotten rid of any negativity (anger, judgment, arrogance), you can approach the visitors and engage them in a conversation that's about them: Where they're from, what they are enjoying about the beach... making a connection with them and the experience they're having. Then you can share how much you love this beach, and you can ask them, "Hey, would you please use the garbage can for your waste? Here's one right here."
Coming from appreciation, love, and connection makes all the difference. Try it.
The Adventure of Life
"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and castles and poets-towers into the dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through miasmal and mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches, where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags, where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you...beyond that next turning of the canyon walls." - Edward Abbey
Life is an amazing journey - there are challenges, fears, unknowns, and rewards all along the way. The real challenge is to experience it all and get as much out of it all as possible.
Come on an adventure with us and you'll be forever changed - you'll come home a bigger person who can use what you've learned about yourself on our adventure to shift how you see and act in other areas of your life.
REAL Women Enterprises works with Fitness Beyond The Box to provide Coaching Adventures that'll empower you.
Being Empowered
What does it mean to be empowered?
When you're empowered, you feel strong and alive, vibrant, and clear. You're energetic. When you make choices that empower you, you feel present; and you know that you are exactly where you need to be. People who are empowered stand up for themselves, and invite others to do the same. People who are empowered are natural leaders who inspire those around them.
Ask yourself: 'Does this choice empower me or disempower me?' each time you make choices and you'll start being able to access your power more often and more easily.
When you are empowered, you'll be able to boldly move forward, rather than hold back.
Balance
So many of us have trouble saying 'no.' If you're thinking, 'I don't have that problem,' ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have too much to do?
- Do I have difficulty getting to bed at my desired time? Do I not get enough rest because I simply can't get everything done that's on the 'to do' list?
- Do I have difficulty finding time for family, my significant other, myself?
- Do I feel I'm letting others down? Do I feel I'm letting myself down?
- Do I break promises to others? To myself?
- Am I eating in a way that feels healthy? Am I getting regular exercise?
- Am I doing the things that take care of me or am I putting them off for 'some day'?
- Is something 'running' me - or am I in control?
A woman I work with said recently, 'My clients think of this place (her business) as their home away from home -- they often stay after class, and want to work on something with me. I will never, ever turn them away or tell them I don't have time.'
She's also having major growth in her business. Her workload has increased markedly. She says she is having trouble keeping up with it all. Even before this growth, she was having trouble finding time for the things she loves. Her husband, family, and friends are feeling her absence and she's forgotten important anniversaries. Her relationships have suffered. What she doesn't see is that while she won't 'tell her clients she doesn't have time' (a form of saying 'no') -- she is actually saying 'no' to other things -- like her husband, her family, herself. She is actually choosing one over the other, whether she is aware of it or not. Without saying the word 'no' - she IS saying 'no' to things that are very important to her, and most importantly, she's saying 'no' to herself. She's giving and giving and giving, yet what is replenishing her?
I know that she loves her work and her clients. Yet, does she love them more than herself? I doubt that she has asked herself this question.
Is her life out of balance? Only she knows the answer. Only she knows what is correct for her.
If you're feeling like you have no time for yourself or the things you love, that there's too much to do, that everyone needs you, that everything will come to a crashing halt if you take time for yourself, then this is for you! If you run out of time each day, and can't get to bed on time, this is for you. If you don't have time to sit down and enjoy the things you say you want to do, then this is for you. You aren't saying 'no' to things and you ARE saying 'no' to yourself.
You might be asking: 'What makes her such an expert on this?' I have sacrificed myself and my peace for others in the name of love and support. I've given up what was important to me for what was important to others. I made choices that felt good in the short run and came back to bite me in the long run. The effect? My flame was burning on low. I had no choice but to re-build what was gone: My self esteem, my confidence, and my belief in myself.
Sooner or later, something will give. Will it be your health? Your relationships? Your internal flame? The message you keep sending yourself, however subtle, is that you don't matter as much as everyone else. Your internal light cannot continue to burn brightly and fully if you continually 'give away' without replenishing your flame.
Here are a few techniques to return the balance to your life - and for starters, you've got to start saying 'no'. At the very least, taking more control over the way you say 'yes.'
If the request is for something that you want to accommodate, try these techniques to accommodate the request while also making it work for yourself:
Schedule it on your terms – “The soonest I can do that is either ‘x’ or ‘y’. Which will be best for you?”
Give the requester a choice - Explain some options before you say no – “Because of x and y, we can only do one or the other – which do you prefer?”
Say no with a “condition” attached - “If anything changes, it may be possible for me to do what you are asking, and I will let you know right away if that's the case.”
Be agreeable. “I know how important this is to you,” then move to the conditional phrase you want to use to tie it to the time that would be better for you.
Calmly and assertively, practice these response phrases and then keep repeating them until you see changes happening in your life.
Finally, the word “no” actually has its place - When you get a request that competes with your own priorities and values, be brief, be assertive, be respectful – and say “no.”
